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Mourning the fantasy that promised happiness

Jan 19, 2024

When we are given a diagnosis for our child, we begin to mourn a fantasy about what our lives were meant to look like that we believed promised happiness. This fantasy stood in alignment with the person we've known and been for most of our lives. A version of ourselves that was molded and shaped by our conditioning, beliefs, culture and life experience.

When we are told that our child is not 'typical', our vision of the future becomes blurry, our plans and ideals come to a halt, the way we envisioned ourselves parenting becomes uncertain, old unhealed wounds begin to surface, and for most, that can be very painful and uncomfortable.

Moreover, the discomfort goes much beyond the worries that arise for our child's future.

You see unconsciously, we also fear what is being asked of us, to heal, to up-level, to let go of an old identity and vision of what we believed was meant for us to open up to something new and unknown. Most of us linger in the resistance of that change for a long while because we have been accustomed to feel safer when we're in control and know what to expect. For some the result is to remain in the status quo of denial, and for others it looks like an emotional bypass into action mode. Sometimes, the first is followed by the second before any effort to look inwards is taken. I want you to know, I see you because I am you and I've walked this path. I too, resisted the change.

The thing, however, is that it is when we resist this new reality that we suffer because the old narrative keeps us in a lack based mentality. It's also this old way of thinking that leads us to believe that our child is broken and therefore needs fixing.

We suffer and they suffer.

I want to give you hope, to share with you that there is light at the end of this dark tunnel you have entered. There is equally a great amount of light and joy for your child that promises greater alignment, self-confidence and intrinsic motivation. But it requires that we make a choice to welcome the new and open up to new possibilities both for ourselves and for our family. It requires that we begin prioritizing our mindset and inner well-being.

My life looks very different today than it did ten years ago, when my daughter Gabi was born with a genetic mutation. Back then, I worked in a job that was out of alignment with my soul's intent and lived the life that I thought I was supposed to live based on my conditioning and beliefs. From an outside perspective, I had it all, but I wasn't happy. My life lacked balance, connection, passion, authenticity, creativity, and a deep sense of self. I didn't know who I was, what I wanted, or what lit me up inside. In other words, my inner world was malnourished and confused. I was lost. Completely asleep to the wonders of life.

Gabi was my wake-up call, although seemingly tragic to the outside world, her arrival transformed me and set me on the right path. A path that would lead me to be the happiest and most peaceful I have ever felt, despite the very difficult events that our family would endure. Challenges such as months of sleepless nights, witnessing Gabi's two near death experiences, among other stressors that came with caring for a child with high medical needs. I come to you with wisdom that only comes with life experience. My promise to you is that if you chose to embark on the path of transformation, it will get better. So much better.

Through the journey with our children, we are offered an experience that provides new knowledge and understanding, one that propels us to grow and evolve in a way that awakens us to see things from a new perspective. We are given an opportunity to awaken to ourselves and to our individual wisdom. We begin to realize that we can create our own reality and that happiness is built from the inside out, not the outside in.

Why is this so important in relationship to our parenting? Because to show up for our kids, we need to be the example. If we want our kids to find joy, then we must find joy to show them how to get there. If we want them to discover and express their innate potential, then we must walk to the path that leads us to uncover our own innate potential. If we want our children to heal and create miracles for themselves, then we must understand our own power to manifest our deepest desires despite the conditions of our external environment. 

When we begin to open up to the idea that we have the power to create our own narrative, we also become empowered to create an environment in which our children can thrive, where they can cultivate resilience, and nourish their inner state of joy. Therefore, experience life from a lens of possibilities rather than from a lens of limitations.

It is through this experience that we are offered an opportunity to take our power back, to create and live a life that is in alignment with our own values, ideas, preferences, and priorities, rather than allowing society to dictate to us what is desirable and what is not desirable.

Think of all the ways in which we have been made to believe that the cards we have been dealt are undesirable, of all the ways we have been robbed of hope, of all the ways we have been fed all there is to fear rather than all there is to celebrate.

Our conditioning, the beliefs that were passed on to us, and the life experiences we have had to date, have taught us what to value, what to aspire to and what to avoid to feel safe. Without the opportunity to become aware of all that has shaped us, to identify all the masks that we wear, to unveil the illusions we've been fed about happiness and success, we cannot unlearn what is not in alignment to create a more authentic life and version of ourselves.

To remain asleep to what is possible is to resist access to our true potential, thus inhibiting our ability to guide our children towards theirs.

Our children are not the ones that need to change, we are.

And that's the gift. The gift of transformation through the journey with your divergent child.

Are you ready to break free from the chains of society? To break free from the mold and start living from within? When you understand how to tap into your inner wisdom to create the life that you want, you become empowered to show up for your kids in the ways they need it most.

A new reality awaits my dear friends.

It’s in the new narrative that new and expansive possibilities become available to you and your family.

Are you ready to take the leap?

With Love,


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